Am I a grownup?

This stems from an interesting message I got from my friend Brett on Facebook, that asked if his friends felt like grownups, if so do they feel that way all the time, and if so, when did it start?

My answer was that being a grownup was a gradual thing for me. It started when I had my first kid, got bigger when I bought my first house, second kid, getting married, moving to NC on my own, etc. It wasn't like I woke up one day and said wow....I'm a grownup. I think that being a grownup means two things: that you accept responsibility for your actions and that you have the ability to make decisions that will affect the rest of your life and you make them.

Everyday I'm faced with decisions, sometimes small, and sometimes big. I always make a decision....even if that decision is to not make a decision. I made the decision to get out of the Army, and I made that decision for my child, since I didn't think it was fair for a child to grow up without their father. Was some of it about me? Yes, at the time, but never the less I made the decision, and while I can't say I've never looked back, I've accepted it and forged a new path. The new path I chose had a speedbump, and I made a choice to break my new family apart, since the third member didn't really want to be in a family with me; another decision made without hesitation. I did look back at first, but quickly graduated from that.

My next big decision came as the result of another poor choice. Let it never be said that I don't take responsibility for my actions, that I have two kids should be proof positive of that. I made the decision again, to make a family, with my one child and my new baby. I knew it wasn't going to be a forever decision, even at the time, but it was a necessary decision. Since I had forged my new path, I knew that a time would come that I would be able to break away the fourth part of my family; and when that time came....I made that decision too. That is something I have honestly never looked back on.

While it may seem cold and callous, like I was stepping on someone to get to the top; I feel justified in my actions, since I wasn't doing it out of self interest....I was doing it for my kids. I would make the same decision again without hesitation. There is a lot I can forgive if it's done in the best interest of your children. It's funny to me that my decision to both make my family and break my family apart was done with the same result in mind, a better life for my kids.

I was on my new path, in my new career, and I realized I was not satisfied. So I looked for jobs that would satisfy my in the one place I wanted to go, the last place that really felt like home to me....and everywhere else in the meantime. I interviewed, was hired, and moved, just as quickly as I could, another big decision down, no looking back. This decision has had some ups and downs....some of which are the same things, but I'm forging ahead full steam ahead. At the end of the day, this was the best decision I've made in recent memory, since I have a job that satisfies me, and my kids are in a better place than we were, and happier for it.

I suspect my next big decision will be where to purchase a home, but I can't look that far ahead just yet. I'm taking things as they come, meeting my obligations, and making decisions every single day.

Do I feel like a grownup? Yes, most of the time, and I'm okay with that. I mean really, who wants to be a grownup all the time?

It's been a long time coming

I haven't written in forever. I was just talking to someone tonight about how I needed to get back into this again. I'm not going to go crazy on politics, though I may touch on it a bit, since it is my favorite thing to talk about.

I got the job I wanted, in the place I wanted, and the kids and I are settling in nicely. Some good things have happened, some drama has ensued, some more drama is about to ensue....the usual. I'm in North Carolina. I got the house, with a backyard, so the kids are satisfied. I'm currently sitting outside, on my back porch, enjoying North Carolina "fall" weather.

The new job. Love it. Love the work, the boss....most of the people there, all in all, it's a good thing. I'm getting to learn what this new career is all about, instead of just floating through it like I was doing at my last placeholder job. Emily is settling into school. It was something of a bumpy ride at first, but we're getting there. Bailey is doing very well as well. She's talking, happy (most of the time) and seems to really like it here as well.

I've gotten into contact with a lot of old friends. Some I should have, and some I shouldn't have. It'll all shake out as to which one is which....some sooner than others. I've rekindled and ended more friendships in the two months I've been here than I think the whole of my life....but I find that as I get older, there is less I will tolerate with regard to what is and is not acceptable within the boundaries of a friendship. I'm less forgiving than I was in the past.

I've compiled a mental list of things I have learned as I've gotten older:

1.)You can never be friends with someone too long to have no worry that they will stab you in the back.

2.) Men and women cannot be friends. Not ever. Not for extended periods of time. This one is particularly unfortunate, given that I have a lot of male friends from my Army days.

3.) It's easier for women with kids to find common ground and be friends.

4.) Women who don't want children have something wrong with them that is deep-seated and you can't fix it. It's why we are here, if not for that, what's the point of even being?

5.) If you know what someone looks like naked, you can't be their platonic friend again. Ever.

6.) I am a lot meaner than I give myself credit for. And apparently a lot more intimidating too.

7.) I am still a stupid girl. And I still have stupid girl feelings.

8.) When something is over, it is over forever.....you can't take back the past, and you can't change it to suit your needs.

That's what I have for now. I will add to this list (and subtract in the unlikely event that I prove myself wrong.

The kids are getting ready to start out of home daycare, as my brother is leaving this week to go back to Philly. I'm both happy and sad about that. I'll miss him, but it will be nice to have my house back to myself.

I like being alone. I don't need someone to complete me. I am a grownup, and fully happy and capable by myself. Though it would be nice to have someone to take out the trash and squash bugs for me.

I cannot stand the hippies protesting Wall Street. It's stupid, childish and infantile. Not to mention hypocritical and ironic that these kids are protesting corporate greed, while mourning Steve Jobs and wearing brand name clothing. Not to mention living off their parents, or the government. I don't understand how people have this idea that they must have things handed to them...without putting the work in to earn anything. Get a job hippie!!!!

That's all for now. More to come later.

My triumphant return!!!

Well, it’s been a hectic and crazy year – and not just for me it seems!! After 21 months of going directly against the will of the American people – the American people have fought back and elected people to the House of Representatives and Senate who will actually listen to them.
Well, they better – or else.
The thing that those newly elected and re-elected need to know is this – do NOT go against the will of the People – and KEEP YOUR PROMISES!!
Despite what those currently in the Capital will tell you – we are a center-right nation. We do not lean to the left as far as those currently in “power” or on network TV, or who write for The New York Times wants to believe. Leftist radicalism will not garner a populous following in this country. It seems that a fantastical and somewhat moderate (considering his actual beliefs, and aided by an adoring media) campaign can be used to elect a leftist rockstar – but the assumption that the American People are stupid or that 536 people in Washington (I don’t count Joe Biden – he couldn’t find his own ass with two hands and a map) know what’s better for a country of over 300 million is just a bit more than most Americans can take.
The only power in this great nation comes from and belongs to We The People - as those precious documents in Washington proclaim – not to any anointed one or his entourage of leftist czars – or the misleading mainstream who by and large (until a relative few very recently) have only been interested in singing his praises and minimizing his past and present associations or his gaffes. How unlike the 8 years prior!!
I’ll close this rant by sending my own warning to the 112th Congress – don’t squander all that you gained with this election by repeating the same mistakes. Cut spending – and STICK TO IT!!!!! Repeal that monstrosity of a “healthcare” bill, along with anything else the lame duck can come up with.
Oh, and cut taxes, it fosters growth, as anyone with an understanding of basic economics can tell you.

Why Health Insurance needs it's own Progressive Flo

According to the NAHU (National Association of Health Underwriters), mandated benefits on health insurance policies can raise premium costs up to 25%. That means that I should only be paying $150 every two weeks for my insurance, instead of $200, because I’m required to pay for the cost of them requiring prostate exams on my insurance policy even though neither me or my daughters have a prostate, and my husband is 29.
Mandated benefits are laws that require insurance companies to cover certain services, which in this day and age are fast becoming every service. There are states that mandate care for morbid obesity and port wine stain removal….under insurance. Port wine stain (a birthmark) removal and acupuncture are required to be covered by insurance in some states. For the complete state mandates listing, as of 2004, check it out, here. I don’t have the federal lists as of this moment. I think that mandated benefit laws are a drain on the system, and should be abolished.
I have two separate insurance policies other than my health insurance and that is my homeowners and car insurance. With homeowners insurance, a la carte is less the case, but still pertinent. I have a value assessed based on information I have given the insurance company. This means I’m not going to pay for a large custom kitchen or bathroom, because I have neither. I do not live in a flood zone, and therefore do not possess flood insurance. It is required for me to purchase if I did live in a flood zone, but that is the insurance company protecting their investment. I am able to purchase flood insurance if I live outside a flood zone, but it is my choice to do so.
My car insurance is a much better example of a la carte services. My vehicle is financed, so I am required by the insurance company to maintain collision/comprehensive insurance on my car. Aside from that, I’m not required anything else. I choose to have towing, rental car, and additional benefits above state minimum coverage required. I could hit an Escalade, that then hits a BMW, and I wouldn’t owe a dime (except in increased insurance premiums), but again, that is my choice.
What I propose we do is offer a la carte medical insurance. Like those Progressive commercials. A single man shouldn’t have to pay for a plan that includes mammograms and pelvic exams, just as a single woman shouldn’t have to pay for a plan that includes care for erectile dysfunction.
If you had to pay full price for every single doctor’s appointment you will truly only go to the doctor when you need to. Here is what happens then…..demand decreases. When demand decreases, prices fall to counter it. When prices for doctor’s visits fall, more people will go, but prices will only go up so much. The market will find the balance of price it can bear, unencumbered by government regulation.
Offer things like emergency care, hospital visits, children milestone visits/immunizations, women’s health packages, labs/diagnostic, etc. There are so many ways that this could be broken down, but the best part is, no one is going to make you pay for something that you don’t need.
I would even support insurance companies offering benefit packages for specific diseases, cancer, AIDS, hepatitis…or for certain age groups, the over 50 plans, which includes coverage for colonoscopies and mammograms…..whatever.
The fact remains that I should not have to pay for someone else to see the doctor every single time their nose runs. I don’t have to pay for other drivers on the road to get oil changes, and health insurance shouldn’t cover simple preventative care.

I am a survivor of socialized medicine - Part II

The second part of my article about socialized medicine involves my first pregnancy, and the medical care I received. It’s not nearly as bad as the series of events that occurred surrounding my ankle surgery, but it’s still fairly indicative of what is going to happen if this monstrosity of a bill gets passed.
When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I immediately went to the clinic (on sick call, see first article for an explanation of how that goes) and received a blood test, over the complaints of the lab tech, who told me that it wasn’t necessary right now, because at the point I found out, I was only about two weeks along. I was in a special situation as I was getting ready to be stationed overseas in Holland, and I wanted the results to take and maybe get a quicker doctor’s appointment.
I received the positive test and went on my overseas assignment. It took about a week to get an appointment (not bad, all things considered) and was given a prescription for prenatal vitamins and informed that there was not a maternity center at my current assignment, and that I would have to be “detached” for medical services and see a doctor on the Dutch economy.
When this happened, in 2004, there was alot of force protection issues with that, as the Netherlands are very relaxed, much like the United Kingdom, with the Muslim population. When I went to my first doctor’s appointment in Holland, I had to change my clothes prior to my appointment, and be very careful to not allow my being American to show. I saw the doctor, who spoke spotty English, was given an ultrasound and a due date and had my next appointment scheduled for four weeks later. I was relatively satisfied with the quality of care I received by the Dutch doctors.
Given the circumstances of my situation, I decided that getting out of the Army would be in my best interests, so I started the paperwork, and eventually got out. I returned to North Carolina at the end of October, with paperwork allowing me to have the baby on post at government expense. I didn’t have a job at the time, so I thought this my best option.
I was 18 weeks pregnant, give or take at this time, and I was unable to get an appointment for three weeks, and that wasn’t even to see a doctor, that was to go to “orientation” which is required for giving birth in a military medical facility. I was 21 weeks at this time, and it was still another two weeks before I could see a midwife. I see the midwife, and she was unable to find my child’s heartbeat, so I was given an emergency ultrasound. To this point I had been developing normally, and nothing had changed.
I went to make my next appointment, and was informed that I couldn’t get another one for six weeks, putting me at almost 30 weeks, the point at which a doctor normally wants to see the patient every other week, which I was informed was also not the policy at Womack, due to their patient load being so high. I was made three appointments and told to make my next two (and last two) appointments at the next appointment.
All of these appointments went normally, except that I never saw the same midwife twice, since they didn’t assign an OB, so you had to explain everything over and over again. It was extremely irritating seeing a stranger every single time I had to go to the doctor.
At 36 weeks, there was some concern about the size of my child, so I was given a “growth scan” ultrasound to determine if a scheduled C-section was needed. I was measured at something like 200 grams (7 ounces) short of a scheduled C-section. They estimated the baby at being 9 pounds, 7 ounces. Remember this difference, it comes in handy later.
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I go on as I have been, and my due date of 3 March comes…and goes. At my appointment the day after my due date, I was nearly begging to have this baby taken out of me, and was told that due to space confinements (not enough beds) the soonest they could schedule an induction was five days from now on 8 March. Of course I thought to myself if there was so much space confinement, what would happen if I went into labor earlier….hmmm, but I kept my mouth shut.
I showed up at the hospital on Tuesday morning, at seven am, and was promptly taken to the waiting area and hooked up to an IV. There were no beds for me at the time, and I stayed there for many hours. When I was finally hooked up to the Pitocin, I was on and off with contractions and they kept dying off. Two or three times I was taken off the medicine completely and taken to other rooms due to the lack of space/staff. I was finally forced to dilate to 4cm, which is supposed to trigger labor, and nothing happened. It’s now noonish on Wednesday, and my water was broken.
Nothing happened since, except seeing seven different midwives in that time and I finally dilated enough (through actions of the doctors) to be given an epidural, which I appreciated, but didn’t really need. The pain wasn’t that bad. That to me signalled that something was wrong. I was having contractions every 30 seconds to 1 minute and the monitor never got above 90ish, something I was later told was very unusual.
The epidural made me sick, and I had been vomiting for about seven hours (it’s about 8 at night on Wednesday at this point) and I got a fever, which signalled an infection known as chorioamnionitis….which is often the case in prolonged labor, and I was working on 36 hours at this point. Since I had been throwing up for seven hours, I was given Tylenol, in pill form. Think about that. Not five minutes later, they were back out. Then the baby went into distress….her heart rate was high and there was some concern.
The furthest I dilated after 44 hours was to seven centimeters, and bear in mind, I was forced to dilate to four. At 3am, 43 hours after this debacle started I was taken into an emergency C-section and had my daughter at 3:55am on 10 March.
Understanding that even the private sector is not perfect when it comes to obstetrics care, this was totally unacceptable. Due to non-reform of tort law, many doctors are dropping the OB of the OB/GYN practice, especially in my state of PA due to the rates of OB doctors getting sued. This being the case, even if they have kept the OB, they perform C-sections at a much higher rate than they did 30 years ago. Today in America, the most commonly performed operation in America is a C-section.
All that being said, my case was a clear case where a C-section should have been performed when it became clear that my labor was not progressing, even with the aid of drugs.
My daughter was born at 9 pounds, 14 ounces. I was also informed by the doctor that my pelvic bone was too small to pass her head through and I would have broken my pelvic bone if forced to give birth vaginally. He also told me that the reason I wouldn’t dialate was due to the size of her head and her inability to engage on the cervix.
If I had seen the same doctor for my entire pregnancy, I firmly believe that some of this would have been caught. My pregnancy with my second child was much more smooth, and I was informed that I was not allowed to VBAC (vaginal birth after cesaerean) due to the infection I had during my first labor and it’s possibility to increase my risk of uterine rupture and death.
Reform tort law, deregulate the industry. This is the ”change” the health care industry needs. Get the government out of my medical decisions, that’s the best way to fix this problem. I don’t deny that there is a problem, but ramming government mandated care down our throats is not the way to solve this problem.

I am a survivor of socialized medicine - Part I

I have two pointed examples of how and why socialized medicine can be harmful to you. This is the story of the first. If you have served on active duty in the military, you are already aware of the lines and general difficulty in getting anything done. Every time you are sick, you are required to go to the hospital and get a doctor's note. Why not, it's free, right? So you go to the doctor at 6am, and wait in line to get seen until 9am or 10am, because everyone else on post has to do the same thing.
When I was 19 years old, I was stationed in Germany. Like a lot of folks stationed in Germany, I enjoyed my fair share of "adult beverages". At a festival in Februaryish (it's been ten years now) I hurt my ankle going into a funhouse, believe me, this was not my finest hour. It hurt quite a bit, and rather than go to the emergency room (your only choice on a weekend), I waited until Monday to go to sick call in the morning.
I finally get in to see the doctor, and I'm told that this is a really bad sprain (it was swollen and turning all kinds of colors, but I knew it wasn't broken) and that I should rest off of it as much as possible. I left with a note not to run for two weeks and some Motrin. With the sheer amount of Motrin I was given in my time in the Army, I could start my own drug store.
Two weeks go by, and the pain is still not getting better. What's even worse is that now, when I walk around, my ankle will occasionally turn in on itself. So I make a doctor's appointment, which takes me a solid week to get. I go to the doctor, ankle still swollen, and am told that I pulled a ligament or tendon (this doctor had X-ray vision, because I wasn't given an MRI) and that I would need some physical therapy. I'm given another note about running, and sent on my way. I have to wait three days for the referral to get into the computer, and then it take 3 weeks to get in to see the physical therapist. It's now the middle of March. I go through two months of strengthening exercises, and ultrasonic massages, and still I'm having pain and instability in the joint.
In May, I go back to my regular doctor, and he refers me to podiatry. I can't get into see the podiatrist until almost July. He then looks at my ankle, and tells me I need an MRI to confirm, but chances were that I had some fairly severe tendon/ligament damage. I don't get the MRI until August, but I've gotten smarter, I make the appointment for the podiatrist when I've get the MRI appointment. About two weeks after my MRI, I go back in to see the podiatrist, who tells me that I have torn the peroneus brevis and peroneus longus and the band of tissue that hold them together, and I will need surgery to correct this. I ask when surgery can be scheduled; he tells me I will have to see another doctor, because he is getting ready to get out of the Army.
I'm now referred to an orthopedic surgeon, as there is only one podiatrist position at the military hospital. It takes me until October to see the orthopedic surgeon, who I dub Dr. F***** Useless. Dr. FU then decides that tendons that are ripped apart might magically fuse themselves back together if I am casted for five weeks. I can't even get a second opinion, because it would take me longer than five weeks to get an appointment, even if there were another independent orthopedic surgeon in the hospital, which at the time, there wasn't.
I get my cast off around Thanksgiving, where he then tells me he will do surgery on me, in two weeks. I was due to start clearing to go to North Carolina in two weeks, so I ask for a referral because the surgery was going to be fairly extensive, and I wouldn't be able to drive around doing all that was necessary to leave Germany with a cast, nevermind get my cast off before I left.
I get to Fort Bragg, NC at the end of January and go to sick call with my MRI, X-ray, and referral from Dr. FU. I immediately get a referral to podiatry on Bragg and see the doctor in March. He tells me he can perform surgery, but not until May. By the time I've had the surgery, it's been 15 months since the original injury and in post op recovery, the doctor tells me he has had to extend my incision further than my MRI (that at that point was nine months old) indicated due to the length of time between MRI and injury.
This is a small example of what socialized medicine can do for you.
I would have had this problem taken care of before my MRI had taken place with private insurance.
It makes sense that there would be socialized medicine within the military, I'm not arguing for that at all. But try and imagine competing against the number of people that live in Philadelphia for an appointment with a limited number of podiatrists or orthopedic surgeons, and the two months can easily turn into four or six, or even twelve.

Single Mother's Rock....right???

As a former single mother it may sound hypocritical to tell this story, but understand that even though I have made poor choices in my life (and really, who hasn't?) with the help of a strong family support system (the ultimate welfare program) I was able to not become a drain on society, or make choices of which I wasn't aware of potential consequences.
I know a girl who is a welfare mom....formerly a teenage welfare mom. The story is usually the same. Not enough love at home, not taught enough respect not to show off her body, she meets a boy, and intentionally gets pregnant. She wants someone who will love her unconditionally. She has never been off of public assistance in her child's life, and doesn't really have much of a hope of ever being off of it. She is statistically more likely to raise a criminal than I am or to raise another welfare mom, perpetuating the cycle....and chances are, that's where things are going.
A child without discipline makes everyone's life more difficult, up to and including the child themself. Children need structure, they need rules, and they need consistent discipline. Children are going to have enough friends in thier life, what they need in the formative years is a parent, not a friend, and how can you be a parent when you never grew up yourself?
This need for unconditional love didn't stop with her first child, and she got pregnant on purpose again. Things didn't work out and this time while still pregnant, she lost the guy, and chose to abort the baby.
The culture of death in America today doesn't caution girls (even those who are emotionally unstable to begin with) what the consequences and long lasting psychological side effects of abortion can be. The mills just want them in and out, like cattle going into a chute.
Unfortunately the girl didn't have the solid family support that I did in my hour of need, and that sometimes makes all the difference the world. I was also 24, and had lived on my own for seven years, she has never lived alone, and it's sad to say that she probably never will.
She will bounce from what family can stand her back and forth and into too quick relationships where her child will have a plethora of Daddy's, not include the actual sperm donor who can't even pay for his responsibilities.
And this has somehow become chic and mainstream and nothing to turn your head at in society, that's sad, and it shows a numbing of social values, and that's just going to make these things continue at an alarming rate.
We need to teach our children to respect themselves, and learn to be adults before you bring another child into this world....
I don't remember the exact verbage, or where exactly I heard this, but I want to say it was one of Thomas Sowell's books, but there are three things that you can do that will virtually guarantee that you will never live in poverty.
1) Graduate high school
2) Don't have children until you are at least 20
3) Don't have children until you are married